Dad :')

In everybody's life there will be one hero and usually it's a male figure! Sad to say, i can't call my dad the real hero but yet he will always be my HERO :) 
Perhaps, there is a reason why people have to leave our life's or we have to let them go.. But till today, I'm very much confused appa.
19 years of life, I've practically grown without a dad! Sad to say that even when i had one, he wasn't really there.
Till today, i ask myself 'appa, do you think of me as much as i think of you?' ! Maybe, due to the ego you have and the same ego we've inherited, now we behave like we don't even know each other!
I still remember appa, you use to come back home once a month with a box of chocolate just for me. I use to stay awake and sit in the couch with is your favorite and wish it was your lap appa.. :( With the noise of your car and the noise of you walking, i will be running around the house telling everybody that "APPA, is back home"
I did not really get it why, everybody at home wasn't excited as me, instead they hid themselves in the room the moment you came home.. Till one day, i started realizing things. When i got to know the truth, and it broke me apart..
Question were clouding above my mind, and yet i wanted only you. No matter what amma said i WANTED ONLY YOU appa :( But you were just too busy with others, not realizing how much all of miss you as a man of the house and also as a dad.
Maybe you might think we ain't good kids, but pa we're the best kids anyone can have..
Deep down, i know there is a good soul hidden but why must you be like this?
What did we even do to you, for us not to hve a good dad? Is that too much to ask pa.. To just be with us and not having family out of the house??
I thought love was all about putting the needs of the on your love above yours? I guess, it wasn't in your case eh?
It was all about you and not us.. :( Pa, you know i am all your chittukuruvi right or am i not that anymore?
I still remember i made a promise to when i was a little girl that i would take care of you when you get old, and now I'm telling you appa.. I will keep my words close to my heart..
But you really need to know one thing, you've disappointed all us especially me..
I miss you pa,i wish things can be fixed but it's just too late..